SELF LOVE

I was scrolling through tiktok when I heard a quote from Tori Gordon that said, “You can not heal what you hate” This quote made all the sense in the world. The motivation to want to find the balance within ourselves must come from love. Why would we be trying to heal from trauma if it is not to be kind to ourselves, to appreciate ourselves, and to LOVE ourselves? Before we can do anything in this life that is considered “healthy” we have to commit to loving ourselves first. From my own experience, accepting YOU is the first step to healing. That kindness will help you make the decision that is going to change your life. That decision will bring you to a place where you accept who you were, who you are, and work towards who you will be. It is easier said than done that is for sure.

In my healing journey, the hardest pill to swallow was admitting that I have made horrible mistakes. Mistakes that lead me to a point in my life where I had no idea who I was looking at in the mirror. I was really good at hiding it too, even from myself. I even believed that I was okay, that the empty feeling in my chest was just going to disappear. Until one day I was alone in my apartment and just broke down crying. All that pain, anger, and loneliness just came bursting out. At the time I believed that was the worse day of my life but looking back at it now, that was the day my life changed. The day I decided to stop lying to myself and accept that I was not okay, I needed to love myself. I made a conscious decision to make my mental and physical health a priority. I was done ignoring my emotions. I had to find the root of my problems and face them head-on even while knowing it was most likely going to get worse before it got better. I went through a really rough time while I was in my self-reflection stage but after months of working through my emotions and pinpointing my faults, traumas, and life choices I finally made it to the acceptance stage. I understood that all the negative things I struggle with are a part of me. I accepted that I will struggle with these emotions and reactions for the rest of my life but from now on since I am aware of them, I make a choice every single day of my life to strive for better.

All that struggle, pain, hurt, and loss of identity brought me to who I am today. I can proudly say I have found balance within. I’ve learned to LOVE myself and that includes my old self, who I am now, and the future me that will continue this healing journey. That being said, it all starts with you. You are the only one that can say, “I’ve had enough, I want to heal, I want to love myself” When you make that decision and work on yourself your entire life will change.